As I am reflecting on the past year, I am truly realizing how strong I have become - not only in running but in my heart and mind as well. This blog has been an outlet and a record for the mistakes and joys of running and the progression of life in 2011. I am thankful, I am blessed, and I am anxious to find out what 2012 has in store...
Looking back, I am proud to say that I am at a completely different point in my life now than I was a year ago. Broken, disheveled, and lost, I did not believe I would ever be able to get back up from one of the worst falls Ive ever taken. It was difficult for me to start writing because I am naturally a private person and sharing my feelings is not something I enjoy doing often, if ever. However once I realized the powerful impact that sharing our words and stories with others has, I couldn't seem to stop writing. We are meant to be an inspiration to others through our actions and share these experiences with others through our words. Reading my past stories, both good and bad, has helped me realize that I'm on the road to fully recovering and thriving. So, thinking about the year, I pose this question to all of you: Are you where you want to be? This question can apply to your career, personal life, love, or even where you are living. If the answer is no, then why are you not taking the necessary steps to be where you want to be?
When I answer this question, I can honestly say no; I’m not exactly where I want to be … yet. I say “yet” because I am a work in progress. I have many goals, most rather outlandish, but I know exactly what I want and how to get there. It all depends on how hard I work and the choices I decide to make along the way. Last year, I couldn’t predict the future, but I made the choice to overcome my obstacle and I did. As long as you make the choice to get through it, you will. You make the choice on how you want to live your life, who you want to associate with, and what you do with your time. As I said in my previous note: never let your circumstances define you. I hope you choose to be the best version of yourself you can possibly be and take the steps to get there.
Be bold.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
This is not just a running blog...
Life can change course in a moment. Each of us has had experiences where the path we were on suddenly diverged and led us to a place we never would have imagined. Sometimes, we choose to take a different road. Other times, the new path seems to happen by chance. We are thrusted into a seemingly unbearable situation only to emerge with enlightenment and strength. Some experiences alter our path only slightly, while others rock our worlds to the extent that life will never be the same.
I have never believed in coincidence. Every person that has blessed my life's course and every dreadful or euphoric experience I have had was given to me to guide me along this journey, to teach, and to help me understand that I must choose to be more than my circumstances are dictating. We may all use our past or present circumstances as excuses to not succeed, but those that build in themselves a burning desire to live life less ordinary, to test their limits and discover their maximum potential are the ones that will live with strength that cannot be broken.
"You must allow yourself to succeed." I have incredible friends. And by the grace of God, one of my dearest friends shared that wisdom with me today. What you do not know is that I have an incredible fear of failure. Not of anyone's standards but my own. I have fiercely high standards for myself, and as long as I meet these standards - be it running or otherwise, then I have not failed. I have always thought of success as an untouchable dream. I allowed my circumstances to determine which walls could be broken down and which must increasingly be reinforced. My dreams of success have been guarded because for so long they were out of reach. A year ago I had one specific life altering moment that shattered so many constricting walls and instilled in me unbreakable strength. Identifying our faults, and owning them, are what gives way to rebuilding into the best version of ourselves we could possibly become. Overthrow your mediocrity, purge your flaws, refine your strengths, and rebuild yourself to match your own highest standards.
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
-Henri J.M. Nouwen
I have never believed in coincidence. Every person that has blessed my life's course and every dreadful or euphoric experience I have had was given to me to guide me along this journey, to teach, and to help me understand that I must choose to be more than my circumstances are dictating. We may all use our past or present circumstances as excuses to not succeed, but those that build in themselves a burning desire to live life less ordinary, to test their limits and discover their maximum potential are the ones that will live with strength that cannot be broken.
"You must allow yourself to succeed." I have incredible friends. And by the grace of God, one of my dearest friends shared that wisdom with me today. What you do not know is that I have an incredible fear of failure. Not of anyone's standards but my own. I have fiercely high standards for myself, and as long as I meet these standards - be it running or otherwise, then I have not failed. I have always thought of success as an untouchable dream. I allowed my circumstances to determine which walls could be broken down and which must increasingly be reinforced. My dreams of success have been guarded because for so long they were out of reach. A year ago I had one specific life altering moment that shattered so many constricting walls and instilled in me unbreakable strength. Identifying our faults, and owning them, are what gives way to rebuilding into the best version of ourselves we could possibly become. Overthrow your mediocrity, purge your flaws, refine your strengths, and rebuild yourself to match your own highest standards.
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
-Henri J.M. Nouwen
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Knowledge Without Mileage is Bullshit to Me.
Explorers have to be ready to die lost.” – Russell Hoban.
I have always loved the grit that resides in that statement. Over many years humans have softened and our priorities have shifted. It’s understandable that in uncertain and challenging times we often take comfort in some of life’s simpler pleasures and attach greater significance to modest victories. Every year there are fewer things that humans are driven to achieve. We need to get lost occasionally if only to find ourselves again. We need to venture out into the unknown and uncharted waters if only to feel an unfamiliar texture and temperature against our skin. We need to occasionally get in the dangerous mix of things if only to exercise that set of precious instincts. We seek out any number activities, sports or competitions to, at some core level, remember the adrenalin rush of outwitting and outmaneuvering, of surviving an encounter with a predator, the elements or a foe.
To be always safe and always secure would go against our natures and potentially drive us mad. We would risk forfeiting the richness of life, our humanity and perhaps our very souls. It’s not the fact that we’ve survived that makes us interesting since nearly any insect does the same thing and potentially does it better. It’s the way we’ve survived against all odds and in spite of our own tendencies toward courting danger.
A year ago, I never thought I would be where I am currently. I look back on my journey, and it is astonishing to see how far I have come. To know the changes that have taken place in my heart, body, spirit, and mind is no small feat. It meant grasping the plan God had for me and fully trusting him no matter the outcome. The dark held me for years, until I finally discovered that I was powerful enough to run from it. Thank God for running, and thank God for the people that have blessed me with their life and love along the way.In the end, it is not tanks that win our battles. It is the power of our story and telling others what Jesus has done for us. When we tell our story, our story helps us reclaim territory that the enemy has taken.
Recklessly or not, you must go looking for life changing experiences and find them.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Strength Through Rest; A Slacker's Manifesto
I live for days like today. My body was fully rested and hydrated and my five mile run was effortless. It felt as though I were floating, mile after mile and breath after breath. My gait was impeccable, my stride consistent, and my form flawless. These days do not happen often, especially lately with the stress i have been undergoing of moving to a new city and leaving my friends and family. My record of never living in one place for longer than a year has been consistent since i turned 18...and while i absorb the benefits of change, i also look forward to becoming familiar with one town for the next 3 years. And this is why I live for days like today. My friends and family are wonderful and they know me well. When they can see that I am stressed beyond my means, these are always their words: Go for a run Bugs. I follow their orders and suddenly the world is not as dim as it once was.
As with everything in life, I am not immune. The aches and pains I have suffered are unique and distinct to who I am and to the life God intended for me. I have prayed often for God to take away my injuries so that I may run at the level that I used to...Alas, healing will always take time and patience. Instead of taking away my injuries altogether - as though they never existed, He replaces them stronger muscles and tendons that had never had the chance to grow. Injuries are a blessing. They help your realize that you are human, and getting hurt should not be your downfall - even if the pain lasts for years. Injuries may lead you into a new direction, a new passion as mine lead me to triathlon. And they are not the end of you, but the beginning of a stronger more resilient athlete and human being.
As many of you have read, I enjoy pushing myself beyond my limits. My philosophy being that anything a normal person could do, and endurance athlete could do twice as well for twice as long. And thus, I am still somewhat broken. Athletes must find the balance between going hard and going home. Too much hard work and you will break down. Too much easy work and you will go slow. We must use the concept of rest to guide the concept of maximizing hard work. Our bodies replenish energy stores, oxygen carrying red blood cells, and any other metabolic substrate that has been used up during the period of stimulus. During rest our bodies will exceed the normal biological state, and greater stores of energy will be available during the next stimulus (Vigil). In other words, rest makes us stronger. Which works both in life and in running.
So why am I so bad at resting? When I rest I allow all those nagging doubts and fears in my subconscious to rise to the surface. Id rather endure hours upon hours of hill repeats, ice cold 4am mile and a half lake swims, and pushing my body to collapse and making it exhausted than listen to those negative thoughts. I need rest, and yet I fear rest. To know rest is to know quiet. To know quiet is to know a time without self-deception. And to know rest is also to know rejuvenation.
You need to know this about me: Running saved my life. Without running I would be dead somewhere. t kept me sane when I was trying to find my way in life. It gave me a sense of self when the world didn't get me. It gave me peace on days when my mind was chaos. It gave me glory as I crossed my first finish line. It gave me contentment, gave me connection, gave me catharsis.
Strength through rest...what a concept.
As with everything in life, I am not immune. The aches and pains I have suffered are unique and distinct to who I am and to the life God intended for me. I have prayed often for God to take away my injuries so that I may run at the level that I used to...Alas, healing will always take time and patience. Instead of taking away my injuries altogether - as though they never existed, He replaces them stronger muscles and tendons that had never had the chance to grow. Injuries are a blessing. They help your realize that you are human, and getting hurt should not be your downfall - even if the pain lasts for years. Injuries may lead you into a new direction, a new passion as mine lead me to triathlon. And they are not the end of you, but the beginning of a stronger more resilient athlete and human being.
As many of you have read, I enjoy pushing myself beyond my limits. My philosophy being that anything a normal person could do, and endurance athlete could do twice as well for twice as long. And thus, I am still somewhat broken. Athletes must find the balance between going hard and going home. Too much hard work and you will break down. Too much easy work and you will go slow. We must use the concept of rest to guide the concept of maximizing hard work. Our bodies replenish energy stores, oxygen carrying red blood cells, and any other metabolic substrate that has been used up during the period of stimulus. During rest our bodies will exceed the normal biological state, and greater stores of energy will be available during the next stimulus (Vigil). In other words, rest makes us stronger. Which works both in life and in running.
So why am I so bad at resting? When I rest I allow all those nagging doubts and fears in my subconscious to rise to the surface. Id rather endure hours upon hours of hill repeats, ice cold 4am mile and a half lake swims, and pushing my body to collapse and making it exhausted than listen to those negative thoughts. I need rest, and yet I fear rest. To know rest is to know quiet. To know quiet is to know a time without self-deception. And to know rest is also to know rejuvenation.
You need to know this about me: Running saved my life. Without running I would be dead somewhere. t kept me sane when I was trying to find my way in life. It gave me a sense of self when the world didn't get me. It gave me peace on days when my mind was chaos. It gave me glory as I crossed my first finish line. It gave me contentment, gave me connection, gave me catharsis.
Strength through rest...what a concept.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The scourge of the running world:
HILLS. So beneficial to training and yet so deeply loathed. I remember when I first began my training for the marathons my friend recommended we do a few hill repeats to strengthen my legs and improve my endurance. "Why not?" I thought. "I am comfortable sprinting up a 25m hill." When we got to the actual "hill" (small mountain is more fitting) I cannot recall a time I have dropped more F-bombs in my life. "That?! You want me to run THAT?! More than once?!" This was a 400m hill at a fairly steep incline. Like a lot of areas of my training that I eventually overcame, I had the idea in my head that is was impossible. Had I only known I had just found the new love of my life, I would have owned that hill years ago.
That first experience was brutal. I accomplished maybe only 2 or 3 repeats. Every week I would meet with this exact same hill and tackle it all over again, cursing its very existence. Hills are like that. And the best part is: Everyone bleeds. They are a place of private inward pain and challenge where all runners are equal, forced by the incline and their own fitness to become a better version of themselves on their journey to the top. Hills torment us all, and they are necessary to us all. Running hills develops explosive power and muscle tone in our glutes, hip flexors, calves, and hamstrings. Our form becomes precise, because the body needs to flow in an optimal fashion charging uphill. And consecutive hill repeats increases overall speed and cardiopulmonary function.
I stood at the bottom of this hill today afraid of the challenge, and that's how i like it. I thrive off my fear, i embrace it, i crave it. Fear has made me determined to conquer what I am afraid of. I need fear to prove that I am capable of overcoming it and that I am strong enough to handle the challenge. The day I am no longer afraid of the challenge before me is the day I need to push myself beyond what I am currently trying to achieve. I like confrontation, and hills are nothing if not confrontation.
Current hill repeat count: 12 sprints up and down 400m monster.
That first experience was brutal. I accomplished maybe only 2 or 3 repeats. Every week I would meet with this exact same hill and tackle it all over again, cursing its very existence. Hills are like that. And the best part is: Everyone bleeds. They are a place of private inward pain and challenge where all runners are equal, forced by the incline and their own fitness to become a better version of themselves on their journey to the top. Hills torment us all, and they are necessary to us all. Running hills develops explosive power and muscle tone in our glutes, hip flexors, calves, and hamstrings. Our form becomes precise, because the body needs to flow in an optimal fashion charging uphill. And consecutive hill repeats increases overall speed and cardiopulmonary function.
I stood at the bottom of this hill today afraid of the challenge, and that's how i like it. I thrive off my fear, i embrace it, i crave it. Fear has made me determined to conquer what I am afraid of. I need fear to prove that I am capable of overcoming it and that I am strong enough to handle the challenge. The day I am no longer afraid of the challenge before me is the day I need to push myself beyond what I am currently trying to achieve. I like confrontation, and hills are nothing if not confrontation.
Current hill repeat count: 12 sprints up and down 400m monster.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Overcoming Obstacles
All the hard work you put into training is wasted if you do not allow the body proper time to recover.
News flash: I have a big ego. So much so that I will do dangerous and nonsensical things in order to feed my large ego. Actually, that's just what I have been told by those close to me that try to make sense of why I do the outlandish and sometimes daring things I do. I believe 95% of my choices are made based on my need to feed my adrenaline addiction. If this addiction is not being satisfied, then I feel I am becoming a lesser version of myself.
I have not written since May because I have not ran since May. After marathon #2, I was advised by my sports medicine doctor to cease exercise altogether except for light swimming every other day for the month of June. Running two marathons in two weeks after training for only 4 months previous had caused me to develop a stress fracture on my right tibia as well as overtrain my muscles entirely. Over training is a physical, behavioral, and emotional condition that occurs when the volume and intensity of an individuals exercise exceeds their recovery capacity. They cease making progress, and can even begin to lose strength and fitness.Some signs of over training are; muscle soreness, constant fatigue, and irritability.
Needless to say I was devastated.
Not being able to do what I was so passionate about led me to question why I had begun this new journey in the first place. Why God would lead me down this path only to take it away. The answer: He wanted me to become the best version of myself that I could possibly be. Instead of sulking, I used the extra time that I would normally spend on training focusing on various experiences as well as relationships that I had been putting on the back burner. He opened my eyes and helped me see that my life does not need to revolve around training and racing. These are meant to enhance the person that I am becoming, they do not define me.
I began running again in July and I'll tell you what - it was quite an ego check when I could barely run a mile without feeling absolutely winded. I have built up my endurance more every week and have drastically improved my swim technique...which has led me to attempt my first triathlon TOMORROW. I am not out to win this one, I am out to feed my addiction and try something new. I have made some amazing friends on this new journey and met so many new people that have generously given their time to help me train. I am confident that I will be at the fitness level that I was a few months ago, but I am also grounded and willing to accept whatever setback is thrown my way and learn the lesson that He is placing before me.
News flash: I have a big ego. So much so that I will do dangerous and nonsensical things in order to feed my large ego. Actually, that's just what I have been told by those close to me that try to make sense of why I do the outlandish and sometimes daring things I do. I believe 95% of my choices are made based on my need to feed my adrenaline addiction. If this addiction is not being satisfied, then I feel I am becoming a lesser version of myself.
I have not written since May because I have not ran since May. After marathon #2, I was advised by my sports medicine doctor to cease exercise altogether except for light swimming every other day for the month of June. Running two marathons in two weeks after training for only 4 months previous had caused me to develop a stress fracture on my right tibia as well as overtrain my muscles entirely. Over training is a physical, behavioral, and emotional condition that occurs when the volume and intensity of an individuals exercise exceeds their recovery capacity. They cease making progress, and can even begin to lose strength and fitness.Some signs of over training are; muscle soreness, constant fatigue, and irritability.
Needless to say I was devastated.
Not being able to do what I was so passionate about led me to question why I had begun this new journey in the first place. Why God would lead me down this path only to take it away. The answer: He wanted me to become the best version of myself that I could possibly be. Instead of sulking, I used the extra time that I would normally spend on training focusing on various experiences as well as relationships that I had been putting on the back burner. He opened my eyes and helped me see that my life does not need to revolve around training and racing. These are meant to enhance the person that I am becoming, they do not define me.
I began running again in July and I'll tell you what - it was quite an ego check when I could barely run a mile without feeling absolutely winded. I have built up my endurance more every week and have drastically improved my swim technique...which has led me to attempt my first triathlon TOMORROW. I am not out to win this one, I am out to feed my addiction and try something new. I have made some amazing friends on this new journey and met so many new people that have generously given their time to help me train. I am confident that I will be at the fitness level that I was a few months ago, but I am also grounded and willing to accept whatever setback is thrown my way and learn the lesson that He is placing before me.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Healing Power of Gu
It has been said that no success or failure is necessarily permanent. What matters is the experience and accomplishment that I will carry in my heart and spirit for the rest of my life. A person who has experienced life without the incredible joy of victory or the all-consuming disappointment of defeat has not lived. And it is a disservice to try to protect yourself from these feelings for there can be no victory without defeat, no effort without error and shortcoming.
Endurance sports, by nature, can (and some might say must) be all-consuming. Participants tend to be deeply devoted and fanatical. These are simply the qualities needed to excel in such sports. I finished my first marathon (Tacoma City 1 May) in 3:39:00, thus accomplishing my goal of qualifying for the 2012 Boston Marathon. I felt accomplished and very proud. More proud of myself than I had been in years. And I was also addicted. Running was now in my blood and I wanted more. I therefore signed up for the Capital City Marathon that was to take place only two weeks later. My sights were entirely set on becoming a Marathon Maniac no matter what the cost. I did not consider the fact that my body had never been put through such grueling physical punishment before, nor did I acknowledge that this may be too much too soon for a person with only about 4 months of endurance running experience. Running was in my blood, and I had to do this.
The next two weeks were some of the most difficult I have incurred. I could not run. I would attempt a light jog and my body would shut down after a mile. If you have read my previous blogs then you will know that running for me is not simply a way to keep myself in good physical condition. Running gives me peace and helps me sort through my joys and trials. It takes away the angry and regretful sides of me and replaces them with endorphins and hope. Not being able to run was driving me absolutely insane.
Last Monday I decided that I was going to push myself on a 10 mile training run. This was one week after marathon #1 and one week before marathon #2. Every endurance athlete is probably cringing right now reading this...I know it was a bad idea! I just didn't know how badly it would affect me at the time. I decided hill repeats would help me get over my running blues so I set off on one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. Pain in my right knee (specifically LCL) started after the hill repeats. I attempted to run it off but the pain was so severe that I could hardly move my leg. The walk back to my car seemed to take hours and I started to think about if I would be able to run the marathon...if I would ever be able to run again. Over the next week the pain did not subside and i felt helpless. My doctor couldn't see me until mid-May and ice and heat did not help. It hurt simply to walk on it. I would be running a marathon on zero training and very little movement - but I was running this damn marathon.
As in life, you must be able to adapt your mind when your run is not going as planned. This was one of those moments. I began the marathon full of energy and excitement. That quickly faded as the pain set in almost immediately. I attempted different running forms; kicking my right foot to my bum, bounding, high knees, skipping, tiptoeing, strides an inch apart, nothing would ease the pain. I got to mile 2 and every step caused a searing pain that radiated through my leg. DNF flashed before my eyes. There was no way i was going to finish. So I did what I always do on my runs: I began to pray. I always know God is right by my side running with me, but today He gave me an absolute miracle. As I was talking to Him and asking Him to take the pain away, I got this idea in my head that maybe if I don't bend my leg then my joint will not contract which was the cause of the pain. "God I just want to finish. Please let me finish." It worked. My awkward new running form reduced the pain. My right leg was almost entirely straight with my food bent outward while my left leg was doing most of the work pushing the rest of me forward by almost hopping. Yes it looked as ridiculous as you are imagining. But I achieved continuous forward progress! My pace was horrendously slow but it did not matter. At that moment I knew I was going to finish this damn race.
Its moments like these that you need to dig deep, stay focused, and remind yourself to concentrate on the small goals, not letting the enormity of the miles still ahead consume your mind with negative thoughts. Just focus on what you can control right now, and that was the simple task of putting one foot in front of the other.
The people towards the end of a race are incredibly kind. All they have are words of encouragement because we all acknowledge that we are going through hell, but we are together. It is a bit of a blow to the ego when the 70 year old man wearing the fanny pack and neon pink running shirt passes you and says, "You're lookin great kid! Someday you'll be as fast as me!" Theres a big difference between admiring someone and being inspired by them, and that man inspired me.
My goals for now are accomplished. I am a Boston qualifier and a Marathon Maniac. I am in extreme amounts of pain, but it is because I risked finding out just how far I can push myself. I am fortunate because I live for these risks, I live for these moments when I discover strengths that I never knew existed within me. The unfortunate are those cold and timid souls that never discover their strength because they are afraid of the defeat, they are afraid of the blood sweat and tears, they are afraid of the amazing power that God has given them.
Endurance sports, by nature, can (and some might say must) be all-consuming. Participants tend to be deeply devoted and fanatical. These are simply the qualities needed to excel in such sports. I finished my first marathon (Tacoma City 1 May) in 3:39:00, thus accomplishing my goal of qualifying for the 2012 Boston Marathon. I felt accomplished and very proud. More proud of myself than I had been in years. And I was also addicted. Running was now in my blood and I wanted more. I therefore signed up for the Capital City Marathon that was to take place only two weeks later. My sights were entirely set on becoming a Marathon Maniac no matter what the cost. I did not consider the fact that my body had never been put through such grueling physical punishment before, nor did I acknowledge that this may be too much too soon for a person with only about 4 months of endurance running experience. Running was in my blood, and I had to do this.
The next two weeks were some of the most difficult I have incurred. I could not run. I would attempt a light jog and my body would shut down after a mile. If you have read my previous blogs then you will know that running for me is not simply a way to keep myself in good physical condition. Running gives me peace and helps me sort through my joys and trials. It takes away the angry and regretful sides of me and replaces them with endorphins and hope. Not being able to run was driving me absolutely insane.
Last Monday I decided that I was going to push myself on a 10 mile training run. This was one week after marathon #1 and one week before marathon #2. Every endurance athlete is probably cringing right now reading this...I know it was a bad idea! I just didn't know how badly it would affect me at the time. I decided hill repeats would help me get over my running blues so I set off on one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. Pain in my right knee (specifically LCL) started after the hill repeats. I attempted to run it off but the pain was so severe that I could hardly move my leg. The walk back to my car seemed to take hours and I started to think about if I would be able to run the marathon...if I would ever be able to run again. Over the next week the pain did not subside and i felt helpless. My doctor couldn't see me until mid-May and ice and heat did not help. It hurt simply to walk on it. I would be running a marathon on zero training and very little movement - but I was running this damn marathon.
As in life, you must be able to adapt your mind when your run is not going as planned. This was one of those moments. I began the marathon full of energy and excitement. That quickly faded as the pain set in almost immediately. I attempted different running forms; kicking my right foot to my bum, bounding, high knees, skipping, tiptoeing, strides an inch apart, nothing would ease the pain. I got to mile 2 and every step caused a searing pain that radiated through my leg. DNF flashed before my eyes. There was no way i was going to finish. So I did what I always do on my runs: I began to pray. I always know God is right by my side running with me, but today He gave me an absolute miracle. As I was talking to Him and asking Him to take the pain away, I got this idea in my head that maybe if I don't bend my leg then my joint will not contract which was the cause of the pain. "God I just want to finish. Please let me finish." It worked. My awkward new running form reduced the pain. My right leg was almost entirely straight with my food bent outward while my left leg was doing most of the work pushing the rest of me forward by almost hopping. Yes it looked as ridiculous as you are imagining. But I achieved continuous forward progress! My pace was horrendously slow but it did not matter. At that moment I knew I was going to finish this damn race.
Its moments like these that you need to dig deep, stay focused, and remind yourself to concentrate on the small goals, not letting the enormity of the miles still ahead consume your mind with negative thoughts. Just focus on what you can control right now, and that was the simple task of putting one foot in front of the other.
The people towards the end of a race are incredibly kind. All they have are words of encouragement because we all acknowledge that we are going through hell, but we are together. It is a bit of a blow to the ego when the 70 year old man wearing the fanny pack and neon pink running shirt passes you and says, "You're lookin great kid! Someday you'll be as fast as me!" Theres a big difference between admiring someone and being inspired by them, and that man inspired me.
My goals for now are accomplished. I am a Boston qualifier and a Marathon Maniac. I am in extreme amounts of pain, but it is because I risked finding out just how far I can push myself. I am fortunate because I live for these risks, I live for these moments when I discover strengths that I never knew existed within me. The unfortunate are those cold and timid souls that never discover their strength because they are afraid of the defeat, they are afraid of the blood sweat and tears, they are afraid of the amazing power that God has given them.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Nutrition 101
I am not one of those people that believes I can eat whatever I want because I am a runner. That it is okay to consume that sugar filled cake and ice cream since I will burn off the calories anyway. In the recent months I have discovered exactly how great an effect my diet has not only on my athletic performance, but my mental processes as well.
Processed sugars and carbohydrates cause a rise in the insulin level of the blood. This also raises the endorphins level, a natural mood upper in the brain. These sugars cause the body to have a chemical high, which results in a lift in mood. Continuous large doses of sugar and/or carbohydrates, overtime, cause the brain's endorphins sites to slow production or close sites to regulate the amount of endorphins in the brain. When the body cuts back on endorphin production it reduces the amount of endorphins available in the body at any given time. The lack of enough endorphin in the brain causes slight to deep depression.
To maintain a normal level of endorphins in the brain the individual must eat more sugar and/or carbohydrates to get out of depression and maintain a normal mood level. This causes a vicious cycle of addiction.
Now, I am no M.D. I have, however, studied nutrition for endurance athletes and have found what works best for me is a high fat, high protein, moderate carbohydrate diet. Im not going to launch into some dissertation, but i thought a practical review would be helpful since I have been asked many questions about my eating habits recently.
There are 3 macro nutrients that deliver energy to your body: carbohydrate, protein, and fat. Carbohydrates can alter everything from mood to performance to weight. Carbs are composed of sugars, starches, and fibers. Sugars are absorbed into the blood stream immediately, starches tend to be digested and absorbed more slowly, and fiber has the least dramatic impact on blood sugar levels as it is digested the slowest. This is important because the higher the blood sugar level, the higher the probability of overcompensation and subsequent drop in blood sugar levels below the initial starting point (sugar high followed by the crash). Sugars and carbs are good for the body but with moderation and at the right times of day - i.e. immediately (within 1/2 hour) after exercise.
Protein: Carbs fuel the body and proteins are the essential building blocks. A protein is composed of individual amino acids that your body utilizes to manufacture, maintain, and repair muscle tissue.
Fats: Your body needs fat to survive and thrive. Fats are the most concentrated source of energy, but they get a bad rap because we are consuming too much fat and the wrong kinds of fats. In short - consume less saturated fats (some animal products and tropical oils) and consume more monounsaturated fats (olive oil, peanut, canola, avocados, nuts, seeds, cold water fish). Mono fats are a good source of essential fatty acids, which are your omega-3's and omega-6's.
My diet consists of 40% protein, 25% carbohydrates, and 35% fat. I have eliminated white flour products and stick with whole grain instead, and i also don't consume refined sugar. Yes, i will put some vanilla in my americano if I'm feeling frisky - but most of my sugar intake comes from fruits, energy gels, and electrolyte sports drinks. When my training hits 70+ mile weeks I consume 2600-3000+ calories a day.
I have found that just by following this simple dietary pattern, my body composition has changed to a lower percent body fat and a higher percent lean muscle tissue.
Processed sugars and carbohydrates cause a rise in the insulin level of the blood. This also raises the endorphins level, a natural mood upper in the brain. These sugars cause the body to have a chemical high, which results in a lift in mood. Continuous large doses of sugar and/or carbohydrates, overtime, cause the brain's endorphins sites to slow production or close sites to regulate the amount of endorphins in the brain. When the body cuts back on endorphin production it reduces the amount of endorphins available in the body at any given time. The lack of enough endorphin in the brain causes slight to deep depression.
To maintain a normal level of endorphins in the brain the individual must eat more sugar and/or carbohydrates to get out of depression and maintain a normal mood level. This causes a vicious cycle of addiction.
Now, I am no M.D. I have, however, studied nutrition for endurance athletes and have found what works best for me is a high fat, high protein, moderate carbohydrate diet. Im not going to launch into some dissertation, but i thought a practical review would be helpful since I have been asked many questions about my eating habits recently.
There are 3 macro nutrients that deliver energy to your body: carbohydrate, protein, and fat. Carbohydrates can alter everything from mood to performance to weight. Carbs are composed of sugars, starches, and fibers. Sugars are absorbed into the blood stream immediately, starches tend to be digested and absorbed more slowly, and fiber has the least dramatic impact on blood sugar levels as it is digested the slowest. This is important because the higher the blood sugar level, the higher the probability of overcompensation and subsequent drop in blood sugar levels below the initial starting point (sugar high followed by the crash). Sugars and carbs are good for the body but with moderation and at the right times of day - i.e. immediately (within 1/2 hour) after exercise.
Protein: Carbs fuel the body and proteins are the essential building blocks. A protein is composed of individual amino acids that your body utilizes to manufacture, maintain, and repair muscle tissue.
Fats: Your body needs fat to survive and thrive. Fats are the most concentrated source of energy, but they get a bad rap because we are consuming too much fat and the wrong kinds of fats. In short - consume less saturated fats (some animal products and tropical oils) and consume more monounsaturated fats (olive oil, peanut, canola, avocados, nuts, seeds, cold water fish). Mono fats are a good source of essential fatty acids, which are your omega-3's and omega-6's.
My diet consists of 40% protein, 25% carbohydrates, and 35% fat. I have eliminated white flour products and stick with whole grain instead, and i also don't consume refined sugar. Yes, i will put some vanilla in my americano if I'm feeling frisky - but most of my sugar intake comes from fruits, energy gels, and electrolyte sports drinks. When my training hits 70+ mile weeks I consume 2600-3000+ calories a day.
Monday, April 25, 2011
"This is really gonna suck."
Those were my famous last words before I took off on my run today. What was supposed to be an easy 10 miles turned into one of the most time-consuming runs I have ever completed. I generally "write" my blogs while I am running. Training for 2-5 hours daily gives a girl a lot of time to contemplate everything from the meaning of life to what I am going to have for dinner.
Growing up in Washington has made me love the rain...ok, some days I love the rain - only because running in the rain is one of my favorite things to do. It is exhilarating, cleansing, exciting, and calming all at the same time. Wind and hail on the other hand are two of my most hated elements on this planet. My first 5 miles were perfect. I was soaked to the bone and my hands were turning purple from the cold but I was in heaven. My next 5 miles were not as enjoyable to say the least. The wind picked up and I was battling to keep up a 15 minute mile against it. Then to add to my expedition, hail mixed in with the rain and wind. I was being shot from all angles and there wasn't a thing I could do about it except keep running.
I stopped in at the coffee shop where my car was parked when I finally finished this grueling run. A cop approached me while I was waiting for my drink and said, "I saw you running out there, why on earth would you do that?" I had snot running down my face, my hair was a tangled mess, my clothes were making a nice puddle on the floor, and I was smiling from ear to ear. I have been asked that many times. Why on earth would I do something that causes pain and takes hours upon hours of devoted time? My answer: I do it because I can. I wasn't born with any innate talent. I have never been naturally gifted at anything. I have always had to work extremely hard to succeed and the only way i have known to succeed is to try harder than anyone else. My strongest quality is that I never give up and fortunately running is one activity where being stubborn as a bull is a good thing. It suits my personality. I have hit some of my highest highs and lowest lows while running. It is straightforward - if you devote time to your training then you are guaranteed to improve. Few things in life are as guaranteed as seeing your physical improvements over time due to how much blood, sweat, and tears you have given.
I am wholly fulfilled. Most people never get there. They are afraid or unwilling to demand enough of themselves and take the easy road, the path of least resistance. But struggling and suffering are the essence of life worth living. If you are not pushing yourself beyond the comfort zone, if you're not constantly demanding more from yourself - expanding and learning as you go - you are choosing a numb existence. You are denying yourself an extraordinary trip.
"Because I can," I said to the officer. "You must be crazy," he said. With a big smile I replied, "absolutely."
Growing up in Washington has made me love the rain...ok, some days I love the rain - only because running in the rain is one of my favorite things to do. It is exhilarating, cleansing, exciting, and calming all at the same time. Wind and hail on the other hand are two of my most hated elements on this planet. My first 5 miles were perfect. I was soaked to the bone and my hands were turning purple from the cold but I was in heaven. My next 5 miles were not as enjoyable to say the least. The wind picked up and I was battling to keep up a 15 minute mile against it. Then to add to my expedition, hail mixed in with the rain and wind. I was being shot from all angles and there wasn't a thing I could do about it except keep running.
I stopped in at the coffee shop where my car was parked when I finally finished this grueling run. A cop approached me while I was waiting for my drink and said, "I saw you running out there, why on earth would you do that?" I had snot running down my face, my hair was a tangled mess, my clothes were making a nice puddle on the floor, and I was smiling from ear to ear. I have been asked that many times. Why on earth would I do something that causes pain and takes hours upon hours of devoted time? My answer: I do it because I can. I wasn't born with any innate talent. I have never been naturally gifted at anything. I have always had to work extremely hard to succeed and the only way i have known to succeed is to try harder than anyone else. My strongest quality is that I never give up and fortunately running is one activity where being stubborn as a bull is a good thing. It suits my personality. I have hit some of my highest highs and lowest lows while running. It is straightforward - if you devote time to your training then you are guaranteed to improve. Few things in life are as guaranteed as seeing your physical improvements over time due to how much blood, sweat, and tears you have given.
I am wholly fulfilled. Most people never get there. They are afraid or unwilling to demand enough of themselves and take the easy road, the path of least resistance. But struggling and suffering are the essence of life worth living. If you are not pushing yourself beyond the comfort zone, if you're not constantly demanding more from yourself - expanding and learning as you go - you are choosing a numb existence. You are denying yourself an extraordinary trip.
"Because I can," I said to the officer. "You must be crazy," he said. With a big smile I replied, "absolutely."
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Spandex Incident
To the general public, runners must look like complete weirdos. We wander around the supermarkets and coffee shops in brightly colored mesh shirts, spandex, and compression socks thinking, "What is everyone looking at?" I have learned to welcome these curious looks with a big grin, which only adds to the confusion. What can I say - the runner's high is addicting.
I remember when I used to waste time deciding which outfit I should wear on a given day. My life is much more simple now. I traded jeans for Saucony running pants, sweaters for tank-tops, and heels for Mizunos and Brooks. I never know when i will get my next opportunity to run so i must be prepared at all times, even in church. Makeup runs down my face when i sweat so that is pointless, and my hair fits so perfectly in a ponytail that takes all of 5 seconds to secure. I used to waste time making sure i looked absolutely perfect every second of the day. I have finally learned to love simplicity. Runners do not judge. We know that if you still look pretty and put together at the end of your workout then you did not train hard enough.
About 2 months ago I bought my first pair of spandex. Little did I know that this specific pair would be the cause of one of my most embarrassing moments. I decided to try out my brand spanking new spandex on the army base. About 30 seconds into my run the shorts began riding up and to put it plainly - it looked as though my bum was eating my spandex. I immediately ran back to my car and headed for the gym on post. My thought was if I ran on the treadmill then I would be able to do a better job of keeping the shorts down. WRONG. 30 seconds into my treadmill run the same problem occurred. Except this time, I decided to embrace it. The top of the shorts were up to my belly button and the bottoms were God knows where and I kept trucking for 5 miles. There was an angry swarm of army wives behind me and all I could do was flash my grin and attempt to pull my shorts down to decency. I later found out that these particular spandex are to be used as a base layer. Oops. Hope everyone enjoyed the show.
I remember when I used to waste time deciding which outfit I should wear on a given day. My life is much more simple now. I traded jeans for Saucony running pants, sweaters for tank-tops, and heels for Mizunos and Brooks. I never know when i will get my next opportunity to run so i must be prepared at all times, even in church. Makeup runs down my face when i sweat so that is pointless, and my hair fits so perfectly in a ponytail that takes all of 5 seconds to secure. I used to waste time making sure i looked absolutely perfect every second of the day. I have finally learned to love simplicity. Runners do not judge. We know that if you still look pretty and put together at the end of your workout then you did not train hard enough.
About 2 months ago I bought my first pair of spandex. Little did I know that this specific pair would be the cause of one of my most embarrassing moments. I decided to try out my brand spanking new spandex on the army base. About 30 seconds into my run the shorts began riding up and to put it plainly - it looked as though my bum was eating my spandex. I immediately ran back to my car and headed for the gym on post. My thought was if I ran on the treadmill then I would be able to do a better job of keeping the shorts down. WRONG. 30 seconds into my treadmill run the same problem occurred. Except this time, I decided to embrace it. The top of the shorts were up to my belly button and the bottoms were God knows where and I kept trucking for 5 miles. There was an angry swarm of army wives behind me and all I could do was flash my grin and attempt to pull my shorts down to decency. I later found out that these particular spandex are to be used as a base layer. Oops. Hope everyone enjoyed the show.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Running within your limits
Today was a rough day for running. I got to my trail and immediately did not feel like being there. All i could think about was how badly I wanted to be home eating pizza and cake...and yet I was here - stretching in the wind and rain in my tank top and spandex. The easy choice would have been to go home - I was tired, (I did not get more than 3 hours of sleep both Friday and Saturday as I was going in front of the promotion board Sunday) a bit dehydrated and very hungry. However, taking the easy way out has never gotten me anywhere, so I began running.
It is very easy to get discouraged when you go out for a training run and are not able to perform at the level you had planned. At this point what is most important is putting the miles under your feet and getting your body used to burning fuel slowly. One of my favorite quotes from Dean Karnazes: "Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up." Push yourself to finish your training, but listen to what your body is telling you. If your goal is 20 miles and you start seeing stars at 10 - take a break, hydrate, and determine if pushing yourself on this run will hurt you more than it will benefit you. If you have to stop it is OKAY. Your body is a machine and as long as you train and fuel properly then you will bounce back in no time.
I have learned that how you perform during your run is not entirely affected by what you do the night before the race. It is entirely affected by the weeks and months leading up to it. You must be completely hydrated at least 72 hours before your race and the types of food you eat during the week before your race will affect your endurance levels as well. Dont think that because you drank a gallon of water, got 8 hours of sleep, and ate spaghetti the day before a race that your body is well nourished enough to perform. I have been following the Paleo Diet for Athletes strictly for over a week and I have never had more natural energy in my life. I highly recommend this eating plan for all endurance athletes. Ill go more in depth on this diet later.
It is very easy to get discouraged when you go out for a training run and are not able to perform at the level you had planned. At this point what is most important is putting the miles under your feet and getting your body used to burning fuel slowly. One of my favorite quotes from Dean Karnazes: "Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up." Push yourself to finish your training, but listen to what your body is telling you. If your goal is 20 miles and you start seeing stars at 10 - take a break, hydrate, and determine if pushing yourself on this run will hurt you more than it will benefit you. If you have to stop it is OKAY. Your body is a machine and as long as you train and fuel properly then you will bounce back in no time.
I have learned that how you perform during your run is not entirely affected by what you do the night before the race. It is entirely affected by the weeks and months leading up to it. You must be completely hydrated at least 72 hours before your race and the types of food you eat during the week before your race will affect your endurance levels as well. Dont think that because you drank a gallon of water, got 8 hours of sleep, and ate spaghetti the day before a race that your body is well nourished enough to perform. I have been following the Paleo Diet for Athletes strictly for over a week and I have never had more natural energy in my life. I highly recommend this eating plan for all endurance athletes. Ill go more in depth on this diet later.
Friday, April 1, 2011
MY Run: 1 month until the marathon!
So for those of you that don't know, the marathon commemorates the run of the soldier Pheidippides from a battlefield at the site of the town of Marathon, Greece, to Athens in 490 B.C., bringing news of a Greek victory over the Persians. Legend has it that Pheidippides delivered the momentous message "Niki!" ("victory"), then collapsed and died, thereby setting a precedent for dramatic conclusions to the marathon.
Much like Pheidippides, I died. Figuratively of course. Every person has a story and i think that one of the greatest tragedies in life is that we are too afraid to share our experiences with one another. In the recent months I have tried to attain a much greater level of transparency than i ever have in my life. To keep it simple i will say this: God has given me many struggles to make me incredibly strong. I have had a serious life with one traumatic event after another which has made me a serious and in-depth person. But this is the first time in my entire life that i know that i have a future to look forward to. I will continue to face challenges, but i will deal with them after my run.
I believe that God puts certain people into your life for specific reasons. A friend of mine who is a die-hard triathlete encouraged me to start racing competitively instead of just running for fun. At first i was very skeptical. But then i was presented with this question; "If you are going to do something, why not be the best at it?" And there it was - instant inspiration. I began running and training more than i ever had. There was so much that went into endurance racing that i had never known about! Food, clothing, shoes, GPS, Gu - i absorbed it like a sponge.
I had revelations like you wouldn't believe! I found my faith through the help of some extremely close friends and God is not just a guy i bring up in conversation anymore. Running in itself is not my passion - my passion is living a healthy lifestyle and helping others to do the same. Every single person can accomplish amazing things if we could all realize our worth and abilities. I was born to run.
Some pretty hilarious things happen when you are training for your first "real" marathon. Ill present them in this blog as i am still learning myself. Enjoy the ride!
Much like Pheidippides, I died. Figuratively of course. Every person has a story and i think that one of the greatest tragedies in life is that we are too afraid to share our experiences with one another. In the recent months I have tried to attain a much greater level of transparency than i ever have in my life. To keep it simple i will say this: God has given me many struggles to make me incredibly strong. I have had a serious life with one traumatic event after another which has made me a serious and in-depth person. But this is the first time in my entire life that i know that i have a future to look forward to. I will continue to face challenges, but i will deal with them after my run.
I believe that God puts certain people into your life for specific reasons. A friend of mine who is a die-hard triathlete encouraged me to start racing competitively instead of just running for fun. At first i was very skeptical. But then i was presented with this question; "If you are going to do something, why not be the best at it?" And there it was - instant inspiration. I began running and training more than i ever had. There was so much that went into endurance racing that i had never known about! Food, clothing, shoes, GPS, Gu - i absorbed it like a sponge.
I had revelations like you wouldn't believe! I found my faith through the help of some extremely close friends and God is not just a guy i bring up in conversation anymore. Running in itself is not my passion - my passion is living a healthy lifestyle and helping others to do the same. Every single person can accomplish amazing things if we could all realize our worth and abilities. I was born to run.
Some pretty hilarious things happen when you are training for your first "real" marathon. Ill present them in this blog as i am still learning myself. Enjoy the ride!
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